Blogsville, The Internet - New scientific evidence shows how spammers may have helped a large number of patients suffering from Alzheimer's disease. Active brain function, scientists say, greatly help reduce the risk of Alzheimer's disease and may even help reverse it.
However, societal efforts to stop us from using our brains have greatly increased in the last few decades. The invention of the television pioneered this movement and soon after, people stopped using their brains at home. The Internet age followed and people stopped using their brains at work as well.
The Bureau Of Largely Lame Ostriches Creating Kaleidoscopic Statistics (BOLLOCKS) estimates that people who have Internet access at work use their brains about 1% of the time. The people who do not have Internet access at work use their brains at work about 60% of the time, but 90% of that usage is geared toward figuring out a way to access the Internet through the corporate firewall.
Recent emergent studies have concluded that spammers actually started out as a movement to fight sinister efforts to get humans to stop using their neurons (why our governments would want to do such a thing is another story). Spamming was initially directed towards diluting Internet content to move users away from the brain-numbing expanses of the Internet. Originally, it was targeted toward services like e-mail - which was a concept doomed from the start. Our heroes of humanity had never thought that people would actually be dumb enough to believe spam-content for reality.
Spamming blogs, on the other hand, has proved much more effective in achieving the true objective of the spammers. BOLLOCKS estimates between 40 and 70 percent of office time is spent reading and commenting on blogs. To help "fight" spam, blogging sites and software frequently generate fudged-up images of random sequences of letters (much like the one reproduced to the right). An experiment conducted by doctors at the Barvard School of Medicine shows that although it stays minimal while reading a blog or leaving comments, neural activity spikes up greatly while trying to read the anti-spam verification images. This is probably due to the pattern-recognition nature of the task as well as the fact that the images get tougher with time as the spammers make better and better programs to automatically read the images. For the first time in history, masses of humans are being forced to use their brains more efficiently than central processing units.
Scientists estimate that reading and commenting on twenty-six point two blogs with the image verification feature generates brain activity equivalent to doing a crossword, which in turn is the prescribed activity for patients considered to be at risk for Alzheimer's. The next time you see spam, you may want to see it in a slightly kinder light.
P.S. FBPN stands for "Fake but Possible News". I would have called it Fake News, but I wouldn't want to be sued by these guys.
P.P.S. This FBPN Network story is its first output. Depending on the laziness of its employees (which number in the low ones), it may or may not be the last.