Monday, December 05, 2005

FBPNN: Climate change conference is a lot of hot air

Montreal, Canada - The Undecided Nations Organization (UNO) has been holding a climate change conference for past few days here, the prime objective being to cut emissions of greenhouse gases and basically save the planet. As the entire human race watches with hope, delegates to the UNO go about their real agenda - to maintain indecisiveness about anything to do with climate change.

The last major climate change agreement was made in Japan and termed the KYOTO (Keep Yelling Out To Others) Protocol. This piece of international legislation was a model example to of how politicians worldwide could come together and solve the world's biggest problem - how to get campaign funding while still appearing to save the environment. The agreement was designed so that every world leader could claim that his country had been unfairly dealt with in some way, curse the greed of the rest of the world and convince the people's representatives to not ratify the treaty.

The Kyoto Protocol runs out in 2012, and has already begun to show its breaking points. Members of the Exasperated Union (EU), whose populations are known to contain vast amounts of concerned scientists and environmentalists, have already been forced to create their own version of the Kyoto protocol - squabbling over which has already begun.

The Unequalled Snobs of America (USA), has, as always - been completely opposed to any sort of binding climatic agreement. Quidditch prime minister Phony Blair attempted to show the USA in a generous light by suggesting that he believed that "all major countries" would accept legally binding emissions targets. For his troubles, he was snubbed by a minion in the US administration with so little authority that he referred to himself as the "leader of the US delegation to Montreal". Unconfirmed reports from the White House chefs show that the number of bones scheduled to be thrown to the de facto 51st state are to be decreased by fifty percent for two months.

The same minion cited the by-now famous US position on climate change: "We do not believe in taking possibly dangerous economic risks based on a phenomenon for which there is so little evidence. We do not believe in speculative science, whether about global warming or evolution. If you want us to act without evidence, you should probably try and bring us an unfounded rumour about weapons of mass destruction in an oil-rich nation." He went on to defend his country's position on doing their bit for the environment. "We believe in the spirit of voluntary reduction in emissions. By liberating so many of our brothers in the Middle East from tyrant dictators, we've clearly demonstrated what the spirit of volunteering can achieve."

Of course, the USA position on this matter can easily be understood. After all, how can they be expected to help in saving a planet which, according to their Constitution, consists of 95.8% alien lifeforms?

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